Saturday, 16 April 2016

10 Things You discover by going to your first ever Iron Maiden concert at 43 years of age

1. When your very excited husband gives your very excited boys tickets to Iron Maiden for Christmas you should try harder to seem more excited. 
2. When an Iron Maiden concert is still 3 months away, your 10 year old child will start operatically performing renditions of ‘Aces High’ every damn day in the Bathroom and it is important NOT to laugh when he can see you.
3. While anticipating a momentous experience at his first Iron Maiden concert, your 13 year old will load his MP3 player with Iron Maiden songs and listen each day while on the bus, and each evening while reading. He will commit to this studious work in a way that, if applied to his academic studies, would get him into med school. 
4. In the week leading up to your first Iron Maiden concert your husband will call or text you randomly from work to see if you are “going to wear your white wrap around fly jeans to the concert”. You will snicker at the thought because A. Your white jeans weren’t wrap around fly, they were Fancy Ass, duh. B. The idea is so ludicrous. And C. there is no way they would fit even if you still had them …… but he still kinda sees you the same. It’s sweet.
5. On the day of the concert you may be feeling dread. You will try to hide it but your husband will see. He will be sad. He will say “I know, it’s like the Ballet for me.” You will say “Does that mean you will go to a Ballet with me?” He will flatly say “Hell, no.”
6. You will remember that you were an eclectic teen. That while most girls you knew where listening to boy bands, you were listening to punk, folk, alternative, old rock, and a bit of hard rock ……….. not Iron Maiden hard rock, mind you. Hair metal hard rock. But surely you could adapt for a great live experience? You will feel more confident as the day goes on.
7. Leaving for the show your husband will look at you and say “are you really wearing that scarf to the concert?” You will momentarily rethink your leggings, scarf, cardigan ensemble and then switch your nice scarf for a crappier one because you know someone will spill beer on it. You will catch a glimpse of your self in a mirror and think ‘frick, I look like such an old Mom’ ….. and then think ‘perfect’. Iron Maiden is a old band, there will be lots of old broads there.
8. Upon arriving at the concert you will realize that you seriously misjudged the uniform. It’s ok, you’re good with that. But a shocking number of women WERE able to find their 1990s Fancy Asses and are rocking them (although most are black and not white ….. those girls were clearly more hard rock than me) and, let me tell ya, those are some well made pants because they are containing 20 extra years of Mom mileage and still holding. It makes for a very interesting look actually. You will be thankful you chose to look in the mirror before heading out. You will make note that when a woman squeezes her post babies 40-some year old body into her pre babies 20-some year old skinny jeans it creates a whole new size and shape of human on the top half of her body. You will gain a new appreciation for black leather, pleather, skinny jeans, and elastic of all kinds ………. For the sheer amount of humanity, they are containing tonight is astounding.
9. You will also note that the show is indeed very multi generational. A good sign you think. And it is, for the most part. But you will still feel old. The youth at the concert are very tattooed and very pierced, and although you usually consider yourself very supportive of self expression you find yourself feeling bad for their Mothers and wondering how much the plastic surgery is going to cost when they grow up enough to realize what a very, very bad idea some of this was. You are also asking yourself if you would feel comfortable if your future Gynecologist had a neck tattoo. The answer makes you feel much closer to your Mother’s age than these kid’s age ….. yep, you feel older.
10. You will find the concert enjoyable. These guys can still really perform and play. You will find that you enjoyed watching your boys and hubs so happy. You will find you enjoyed the show…………. And that you decided you will almost certainly be taking your hubs to the Ballet next season.

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