December 14, 2012

The date is December 14, 2012. It’s Friday. Today has been one of highs and lows. The highs? I rehearsed the Christmas concert songs with 2 groups of adorably off key 4 year olds and laughed and laughed, I went to the Nutcracker ballet with my wonderful Mom and some fantastic people, and I tucked my own 2 boys into their own 2 beds. The lows? Some asshole shot and killed 20 children in a Connecticut elementary school.

Now here’s where I probably lose you, but bear with me because I have a point.

It’s a terrible tragedy, and 20 families will never, ever, never ever, be the same again. They will be forever broken. My heart aches for them. So does yours. And that is right. President Obama cried when he talked about it because it is so terribly sad and because it happened “on his watch”. You cried, and I cried, because it happened in a school that looked a little like ours, and to kids that seemed a lot like ours and that is too much to take in, too much to process, and WAY too much to accept. But accept it we must.

When today’s news hit, and you hugged your children tight, you remembered to remember how lucky you are to have them. But your first thought should not have been what if they had been mine? It should have been why did it take this to remind me? Our lives are so busy, so rushed, so scheduled. Why does it take someone else’s unbelievable tragedy to slow us down? To see?

Your second question should have been “what about the over 12000 …… TWELVE THOUSAND kids who died around the world today of preventable causes?” That’s a hard question. I wish I knew how to answer it, but at least I knew to ask it.

And what of those 20? What of those 20, who were just like mine and just like yours? Who died in fear too terrible to imagine? How do we honour them? How do we talk to our kids about this?

The answer is, I think, to not give the asshole who did this more attention and headspace than he deserves …. Which is none. Those children need to be mourned, by their family and friends, by their teachers and neighbours, just like every child who dies deserves to be mourned. But the act needs no thought at all. None.

I can’t stop a plane from falling out of the sky onto my home, or a gas line from blowing up the field my kid is playing soccer on, and I can’t stop a horrible crazy person from doing a horrible crazy thing. Neither can you.

All our kids need to know is that sometimes bad people do bad things. That fact has been true forever and likely will be to end of time. But when we live in fear, when we believe there is more bad in the world then good, when we are consumed with how to prevent bad instead of how to stimulate good, then the bad guys win. And I don’t accept that, and neither should you.

I don’t want my kids to have lock down drills, the teachers can and DO think about that because they are grown ups, but my kids don’t have to. I don’t want my kids to view every stranger as bad because that stranger might just need their help one day, or they might need that stranger’s kindness. I don’t want to give bad people much room in my kid’s head to fear them. Because I want my kid’s minds to be filled with creativity and good deeds and open doors and the pathways that lead them AWAY from fear, not towards the walls built by fear. When I hear about something like this happening, my reaction is not to rush into my school and ask them to guarantee that they have measures in place to make sure this can't happen, because they can't. Beyond a few simple common sense security measures their job and MY job is simply to work hard to try to produce human beings who would never do something like this. When something like this happens OUR job is to try harder.

When we accept that terrible things can happen and we can’t do anything about the unpredictable and the unimaginable, then we leave the door wide open to change the things we can, to make the world better for those who are still here, and to make doing so the only option. And that is the world I want my boys to live in.

*Don't get me wrong, this isn't the final word on this subject, there is a LONG rant inside me about guns, and about weapons and defense manufacturers making millions and billions of dollars a year in a global recession selling guns that shoot hundreds of rounds a minute to civilians and bomb sniffing equipment to public transit and schools. A rant about the fact that 1000s of people right in our city tackle mental health issues every year but don't and would never hurt anyone; what causes someone to do something like this is something else and we need to find what that is. A rant about how we (those likely reading this) live in the safest places in the world and we lock our doors (I lock my door) but the people who live in the most dangerous places in the world don't lock theirs, because their door is a tin sheet from the garbage dump ........ they rely of each other to keep them selves safe, and sometimes they even succeed. But this rant; this rant just needed to be about not letting fear win.

Truth in Advertising - an ongoing list.

Truth in advertising lesson # 1: That woman who looks like she is having an orgasm while eating a chip ........... is faking.

Truth in advertising lesson #2: that razor cannot fly. It cannot give you an ‘ab six pack’. That woman gazing "lustfully" at the men shaving in the locker room would in actuality very pissed that they are getting their stubble bits all over her clean counter top and think their self-admiring stares in the mirror look vapid and slightly constipated ...........

Truth in advertising lesson #3: That is a piece of crap. Truly crap like. The only thing that could be more crappy than it, would be actual crap. You don't need it. What though? What is crap, you ask? ....................... if you need to ask how to distinguish shit from shinola ......... then you don't know crap.

Truth in advertising lesson #4: Your hair is actually NOT on fire. There is an advertising saying that goes "like selling glasses of water to someone who's hair is on fire." It implies and very successful ad campaign which creates easy sales, it also begs the question "whose hair is ever really on fire?" Answer: no ones. No ones hair is actually on fire. You don't need it. Creating a sense of need and then selling you the fulfillment is the ultimate goal of people who want to make money off YOUR money ............. because it's like printing money and we're not smart enough to see it.

Truth in advertising lesson #5: The world will never, ever, never ever, run out of people who are willing to make themselves look stupid on TV for money. That woman CAN actually cut a tomato, that man would actually NEVER leave his home with black spray paint crusted into his bald spot, and NONE of those people are that amazed by common household appliances ........ if they were they would have to be institutionalized and wear helmets.

Truth in advertising lesson #6 (although a strong case could be made for it being part b of lesson #5): Sometimes they really miss the mark and we get to see how dumb they really think we are. Now, as much as I enjoy a little face time with Brad Pitt (all softly lit and black and white no less) his 34 second spot for Chanel # 5 is a case in point. In mean, WTF? That was just horrible …… who wrote that? Was he sober? Do they really think anyone will buy their perfume after that? Puh-Leaze. I suggest hitting mute. I also suspect that Brad owes someone a blood debt. Why else would he have lowered himself? (See lesson #5) But they actually rolled that piece of crap out to launch Brad as the new face of Chanel, and paid him 7 million dollars to do it …… that’s a lot of perfume they have to sell. The question is, can we be so easily bought? Because if I’m going to pay $128 for a bottle of stinky water that I can’t wear to a school, library, Drs office, or anywhere really ….. they better have a better pitch. $128 pitch need to be blue and moldy cheesy, NOT orange and plastic wrapped cheesy. That’s just insulting. Pffft.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF8NAyqxGfk

Truth in advertising lesson #7 (aka: Beg pardon?)

http://www.hauslaboratories.com/fame

Full disclosure: I love Lady Gaga. I love her kookiness, and her fierce advocacy for all kids’ rights to BE. To be who they are and be accepted for who they are. Love that. Not sure I always love her artistic vision but I’m just one opinion and clearly she’s not hurting for positive reviews so vive la difference.

I just opened my new copy of Chatelaine magazine to see Lady Gaga is selling a Perfume, like every other artist she was wooed into making a fragrance, which in the age of fragrance sensitivity always perplexes me. Plus ‘smell just like _______’ is an odd concept for me to grasp especially when so much money is on the line. And money IS on the line. A quick google search tells me that the World Perfume Industry market is worth almost 30 BILLION dollars a year. Beg Pardon? That seems like a lot of coin for a problem that largely doesn’t exist anymore, namely stink. See, perfume was designed to cover up our own horrific stench when the freshness of our annual bath was wearing off. However in an age when most of the 1^st world bathes every day I think our hysterical obsession with our own odour can dial down somewhat. Don’t you?

But I digress.

Much of the value of perfume is imaginary, meaning a bottle that costs $2 to fill can be sold for $150 depending on how well you market it. And no marketing is better than the right celebrity endorsement …….. especially if they claim to have designed it. I am picturing Paris Hilton, Lady Gaga, and David Beckham sweating over beakers and pipetting wildly in lab coats ….. yeah I’m not buying it either. But someone is. Remember 30 BILLION DOLLARS.

Beyond celebrity there is the art. Fragrance is the last bastion of Advertising Art. Every perfume campaign launches with some sort of god complex, like every perfume ad is the commercial equivalent of Fellini. It’s exhausting the one nerve I have left for “high art.” And sometimes it just goes too far. Not too racy (though it often is), or too misogynistic (which very often is), but just too seriously full of itself to possibly be real. Yet real it is.

So back to Lady Gaga and her ad for “Fame.” Supposedly inspired by Gulliver’s Travels, it is the heeled Lady Gaga (not sure if it’s actually her) washed up naked but masked with pristine hair and the entire Lilliputian Greco Roman Wrestling team have discovered her on the way to the naked masked ball, and she is REALLY into it. …… Yeah go look again, the link is at the top.

So here’s my point. The era for drug inspired art is over. It is no longer cool and shouldn’t be revived. It sends the wrong message. I know that sitting around smoking Opium gave us “Alice and Wonderland” and dropping acid gave us “Yellow Submarine” but today is a new day and the only conceivable way that could have seemed like a good marketing idea is if drugs were involved. Not cool. Either that, or they think you’ll just buy ANYTHING. But it’s your money and they owe you more than “it’s Art and you’re not supposed to get it.” I’m tired of that. 

Truth in advertising #8: "New look" or even just "New" are placed on everything to create sales. It means NOTHING. It is adver-speak for "we changed the bottle/package ...... and it is now smaller ........ PLUS we are charging you more for it ...... now bend over it will only hurt for a minute." The fact that it is widely considered the most powerful advertising statement of all is a testament to how really stupid we have all become. 

Yikes! What to expect when you're expecting your first Colonscopy.

I am a 39 year old with Celiac disease. I was only diagnosed a little over a year ago and recently went to my first Gastroenterologist appointment. She is calm and level headed and kind; all very important qualities for the person about to photograph up your butt.

My Aunt was diagnosed with Colon and Rectal cancer about 8 years previous to my first Colonoscopy. She survived but the battle scars she bears are not easy to live with. She is so strong. She is a fierce advocate for preventative screening. Early detection is key. She doesn’t mince words ….. “go get checked. Just do it.” My husband’s Uncle was diagnosed about 2 years before; he wasn’t so lucky. It took him quickly. Just 2 months before an old friend was diagnosed with a complicated cancer which involved his Colon. There was nothing they could do. He died in 6 weeks.

In 2011 the Canadian Cancer association released a sobering statement. “If 80% of Canadians aged 50+ were screened over the next 10 years, it is estimated that 10,000 to 15,000 deaths could be prevented.”

http://www.cancer.ca/Canada-wide/About%20us/Media%20centre/CW-Media%20releases/CW-2011/Canadian%20Cancer%20Statistics%202011.aspx?sc_lang=EN

What’s the problem? We think it’s gross. We’re not getting tested because we’re uncomfortable with the whole thing.

Flash back to my first GI appointment. I’m 39, Celiac, and 14 months Gluten Free. She says “I always do a follow up biopsy to check for Celiac and the healing which should have happened by now, and while we’re at it we might as well check up your ass with a giant camera.” …… OK maybe she didn’t quite say that, but that’s what I heard. Thump. Heart fell into stomach; stomach hoped heart was Gluten Free. But I’m only 39. Right?! I said “yes” because I believe in prevention, because knowledge is power, because I did not want to chicken out and find out later there was something I should have known, because my Aunt’s words were ringing in my ears and I could not (would not) let her down. Crap.

I decided right there that I would share this experience so anyone who read it might know that we all have the same insecure, embarrassed, fearful, and icky feelings about this. And we have to do it anyways.

I wrote My Colonoscopy Story as a series of FaceBook posts. I’m sure I horrified many, but hopefully I helped some people see that it’s just an experience, neither good nor bad. It’s certainly survivable, and definitely empowering, because you do it for yourself. And life is SO funny if we just let it be. The original FB posts appear in black.

The announcement.

August 22, 2012

Next Wednesday I have the long awaited follow up endoscopy to ensure my Celiac gut is healing. I will also be having my first Colonoscopy. ............... Insert random horrifying statements about anal probing here. I am petrified. Yikes. Plus the Dr. is a friend of a friend and both are very cool ladies ........way too cool to be friends with wee nerdy me so this is all too 'six degrees of separation' from my asshole close for me, but I digress. .......... Honestly this started out as a post about embracing preventative health and taking responsibility but has unraveled quickly into a paranoid rant ..........Anyhoo; I will be sharing experience. It is important for me to do everything I can to be here as long as I can and as healthy as I can so I won't miss a thing from this life. Seeing my children grow is truly a present I open every day. Some days it feels a little like unwrapping an iron but mostly it is Christmas morning. I will put on my big girl pants and try not to be a baby about this. And I will share .....probably more than most of you want to hear so feel free to tune me out for a week. Xo

Irreverent detachment …… still happening to someone else.

August 25, 2012

3 sleeps until my Alien-Abduction-free anal probing. :( Would have at least liked a trip to Outer Space.)

Bitterness and Resentment is creeping in so I went on organizational binge through my house. Long overdue. Perhaps should have Colonoscopies more often.

August 27, 2012

You know what is more awesome than a Colonoscopy with a lingering chest cold? Yes, that's right, a Colonoscopy with a lingering chest cold AND your period. Goodie. On upside, I have torn through my den and basement depositing 15 bags of recycling, and 10 bags of garbage OUTSIDE of my home. This fall I hope to tackle 8 year backlog of photo albums (and lack of actual printed photos to put in them) 

and 5 years of "art" by my wee virtuoso's which may require carbon dating to sort out. Also have not kept proper record of my children's growth and tooth loss ........ making me a terrible parent. Again. However I am determined to piece together a logical and believable set of dates and measures this year in order to lie to them about it in the future. I am nothing if not humane. There, I have metaphorically purged in preparation for literal purging ......

Prep day.

August 29, 2012

I know you all wonder what's "wrong" with me. How I ended up so weird? My Mom gave me her loving words of sage advice for my prep today: "Drink lots because by the end your lips will feel sucked in to your asshole ............. I'll bring you some ginger ale." Thanks Mommmy. Xox

The next series of posts took place over a 5 hour period in the evening. The prep is basically drinking 4 Ls of “prep solution” in a 4 hour-ish period. It’s roughly one cup every 15 minutes. I had my choice between flavoured and unflavoured and I choose the unflavoured …. I didn’t want koolaid ruined for the rest of my life. My Aunt gave my some very good advice: “suck a candy while you drink each cup and it helps.” Lifesavers are my new best friend. Also here’s a few things you don’t really want to know but, trust me, you’ll be happy you do. Have a zinc cream in the BR and use it after most wipes. No point in making it angry. Baby wipes were also recommended but I found regular TP fine if I used the cream. Also have some sort of disposable (Clorox or Lysol) wipes around to clean the toilet each time. Believe me, keeping this area of your home pristine for the next 5 hours will help make this bearable. Just don’t get the wipes mixed up!!!!

First glass down ..... barely. If dog water and caviar made a baby, and that baby swam in pickle juice; it would still taste better than this. Gack. Just 3.75 litres to go. Let the games begin.

1 litre down. Am convinced there are 4 jellyfish and an ornery octopus living inside me. 3 more litres not seeming possible. New best friend is lifesavers - all 5 flavours. Headache has rejoined party. Glad he could be here to support me. They can put an unmanned robot on Mars but can't find a way to "clean out your bowel" with less than 4 LITRES OF FISH WATER!?!?!?! Seems suspect. Someone high up in "pharma-world" has a very sick sense of humour.

1/3 of the way through vat of Golytely ..... though I swear someone keeps filling it back up. Screw waterboarding as torture method ..... this would work fine. Terrorists and Criminals would "sing like birds" by glass 3, I swear. Famous scene from "Dumb and Dumber" is much less funny now.

1/2 way. Family is eating KFC since I am fasting and they can indulge in Gluten without guilt today. Am noticing how hungry I feel since have not eaten since 6pm yesterday and will not be eating until after 5 tomorrow. I am making mental note to be mindful and grateful when I eat tomorrow ..... realizing that so many go without so often......... but not right now. Right now I am plotting the death of maker of Golytely and inventor of Colonoscopy. Right now.

All those well meaning suggestions for things to do while "prepping" are wrong. They suggest things like a home pedicure, watching a favourite movie, crosswords, a good book ....... all wrong. What they all should tell you, what they all would admit if they were really your friends, is just walk around in manic circles trying not to poop your pants between trips to the bathroom and glasses of liquid death, and just keep doing that for 5 hours. That's what they should tell you.

Actually managed to do some filing of files. Also had out of body experience during which I cursed Body for not having the decency to drink 2 more glasses of fish water in my absence. Things I won't even be eating until Thursday are leaving my body. Avoiding all deep knee bends. Had hysterical laughing fit in bathroom for no reason .......................... none of these things were listed in the brochure.

Finished last cup over an hour ago. This experience has, despite my dramatic rants, not been too bad. I am engaging in preventative health measures, and being a really real grown up, and accepting (while simultaneously embracing) my age, and so happy I picked such a soothing lovely green colour for my bathroom since I have now spent more time in it than I thought possible. It really was ok. ..................... and my Colonoscopy should be a cakewalk now since most of my bowel is hanging in tatters down my pant leg. Bwahhahahaha - kidding. Good night.

The day of the anal probing.

August 29, 2012

Good morning! Night not too bad - not up too often. It's odd (but good) to not have cramping during this whole process. Grateful for that. Am having cuppa joe sans milk and a gingerale for breakfast in celebration. I'm pretty sure that's what Wonder Woman had every morning so I'm in good company. I am remembering not to fart. That's important. Trust me, when you do this, it's important. There is no way to be lady like during this process so giving up completely is quite liberating. I have shared and will share because I really really really want you all to do this. Over 20 000 Canadians are diagnosed with Colorectal cancer every year and it takes over a third of it's victims. (For the record Breast cancer takes around a quarter). It is the the leading cause of Cancer death in Canada after Lung Cancer, and that says something. My very brave Aunt has fought it and come out on top but at a steep price. Mark's Uncle battled bravely but lost. Go do it. And if you can't find some of the humour in it then there's something wrong with you ........ because seriously, it's HAlarious. ;)

But I missed the whole thing!!!!

Well all, it's over. I would like to tell you all about it but I missed it. The whole darn thing. Arrived at Hospital a full half hour early for my check in time, so sat a bit extra in the waiting room reading the "Martha" magazine my lovely mommy bought for me and watching "Ellen" on the little TV. They called me back and had me change into the sexy blue uniform of naked hospital patients every where. Signed the "I promise not to sue" forms and then a nurse spent 15 trying to get one of my veins to take the iv .............. since it usually takes at least 2 nurses and 30 minutes for this to happen with my microscopic veins, I was pleased. They wheeled me in and Dr. McDermid, attired in a fabulous orange dress, met me with a smile. The nurse started the drugs and asked if I was feeling tired yet .................. I said "no" ..................................... next thing I know I'm in recovery. I was asleep less than an hour and woke up a little groggy but fine. My mom came and we left. Report said colon was clear with no polyps; small bowel (upper GI) did not look inflamed so the biopsies she took should show good recovery from the Celiac damage. Yeah!!! Must go see her in a month for official results. Other than knowing what a Macy's balloon feels like (since they puff you up with air) there's nothing to it. Also noted that Royal Alex has a serious case of "nice". Every single staff person I dealt with were very kind. It was a good day. And tonight I am the one who gets to play "pull my finger" with the boys.

So that’s it. What to expect when you’re expecting your first Colonoscopy. Please go. Don’t say “no”. Don’t conveniently forget to book it. Don’t let your Dr. forget to talk to you about it. It can save your life. And it’s really really really not so bad. If you laughed at ANY of this, then you’re ready.

For Paula

I was in the badlands of Alberta when I heard. It is a stark landscape famous for dinosaur fossils and long echoing footsteps of the early pioneers, cattle rustlers, rum runners, and most of all, first nations tribes who have inhabited this inhospitable place. I was standing at a high point in Dinosaur Provincial Park listening to a message of my mother's emotional voice garbled by poor reception ..... "finished the race" ...... "didn't win" ..... "her poor little heart" ........
Later, when we drove up to a viewing area with good cellular coverage, I got a call out. My parents had stayed up all night to watch the race (as did many mutual friends, and much of my extended family). Mom said "she seemed so upset. She finished the race, after stopping, and when she crossed she burst into tears. She told everyone she was so sorry ..... maybe it was her injury again ...... maybe something else ....... she did so good. We're just so proud of her."
Paula, you apologized to Canada, and it's true that you had carried all the collective hopes of Canada and all the people who have watched you, but you owe no one an apology. All that 'hope' must have weighed heavy.
Paula, you went to the Olympics and lost. But you went to the Olympics! When I think of the courage it takes to follow a dream or passion through to it's conclusion, daring to fail, well, this ranks right up there. There is an idiom "take your shot" and I believe it must predate the gun. I picture it as a bow and arrow. "Take your shot." Pick up the bow, place the arrow, pull the string taught and play along it with your finger tips until just the right tension and balance is achieved. Line up the arrow tip with the target, tap deep into some primal longing, and then just let go. Either it hits it's mark or it doesn't. Most of us let fear, or self doubt stop us from even picking up the 'bow', let alone 'let fly an arrow'.
Paula, I met you when you were a toddler and have watched you grow into an amazing young woman. From the start of your Triathlon journey, I have cheered, but also feared for you. Was the pressure too much? Were the expectations too high? Was the praise too lavish and the criticism too cruel? I have watched with all the misplaced maternal angst of someone who has loved you and your family and has watched you grow; not mine but someone I have carried in my heart. I have ached for your wonderful parents and siblings, seeing all the pressure, and all the hopes, and all the expectations which were pinned to you all.
But it was you, and you alone, who 'took your shot'. You had the courage to not only pick up the bow, but to pull back and aim it, feeling the delicious tension in the string, and let the arrow fly falling short of it's mark. But it did fly. And you did that. it was incredibly brave, and incredibly powerful, yet when you crossed the finish line you said "I'm really sorry to everybody. To Canada". And our hearts all broke for you.
Please, dear Paula, never be sorry. Not for going. Not for trying. Not for all the work. Not for losing. Not for a second. There are many, many, many more shots to taken by someone as courageous as you.

Impossible people and Private Healthcare

There are moments that just let you know you’re not going to have a good day. Usually these moments involve impossible people.

A good example is gum in the hands of a mean spirited, disrespectful, self-indulgent boy. There are people who just can’t stop. They can’t honour the feelings of others, they won’t follow rules, and they mock anyone who tries to steer them right. They are bullies of a particular sort and teachers dread them. Here’s a perfect scenario to explain these “impossible people”:

Girl comes to teacher and says “Ms B, Johnny put gum in my hair”.

“What?!” teacher exclaims and marches over to Johnny. “Johnny, did you put gum in Sally’s hair?”

“No” he declares.

“Johnny, she said you did” queries Mrs B.

“I didn’t, I don’t even have gum” he says after a hard a deliberate swallow.

“Um, Johnny, you owe Sally an apology. That is disrespectful and it will take her a great deal of time to get it out, if she even can.”

“So?” says a now defiant Johnny.

“Johnny, make a choice. Apologize or pack up your things and go to the office”

“You can’t make me, I didn’t do it …… Eloise did it. Ask her.” Sneers Johnny.

“No she didn’t!” shouts a tearful Sally.

“Yeah she did, ya dumb b*tch!” spits Johnny.

“Whoa! John! Language!” Squeals Mrs B.

“It’s not my fault!! She made me! She’s lying! Sally always lies to get me in trouble. But you can’t make me go to the office! And besides, Eloise did it!!” shouts Johnny.

…….

This, in case you have failed to recognize it, is an impossible situation. Johnny did it but no one actually saw. It wouldn’t matter if they did because Johnny’s Mother threatens legal action every time her son is sent to the office, and accuses the school constantly of lying about her son. (Because clearly Schools enjoy punching the Kindergarteners in the Bathroom and flushing their milk cards down the toilet just to “set up Johnny because they don’t like him” to use his Mother's words.) Meanwhile she lets Johnny stay up as late as he wants, gives him every piece of electronic gadgetry available, insists he needs to play Angry Birds in Math (because he’s too smart for Math and is bored ….. illustrated clearly by his solid D grade), and packs him Coke and a Snickers every day for lunch. (But yes, the problem is, clearly, the school.) Furthermore, Johnny has discovered Eloise. Johnny cruelly poking fun at and blaming Eloise for everything has become his new obsession. Eloise’s biological mom smoked crack her whole pregnancy and Eloise wears a helmet. Her response to everything, ever, is “Yes. Yes please. Weeeeeee.” Her Foster Mother, Roxanne, is a loving, frankly saint of a woman, who is devastated by Johnny’s constant scapegoating of Eloise. Johnny’s Mother has already called Roxanne a “stupid cow” twice, once at the Christmas concert (so clearly things are going well). This situation is impossible because of impossible people. Why do we accommodate them?

Children like Johnny feel completely entitled to do what they want. Always. Rules aren’t for them. Some outgrow it I’m sure (or at least I hope), but many don’t and they become those impossible people who refuse to follow even the most logical rules of society on principal. They are the “I’m a better driver when I’m drunk”, “If you’re only going to do 55 in a 50 zone then you deserve my Escalade up your rear bumper”, “And then that stupid Cop tried to tell me I couldn’t park in the Crosswalk” kind of folk. They seem to have no sense of fairness, and what’s worse is that they regard those who strive for equality and justice as weak. Where do you begin explaining such a concept to someone who has no goodness in them?

And so in walks ‘for profit’ Health care. There is no smooth or unbiased segue into this topic for me. 


By 1966 Canada had installed a clear program of Universal Healthcare to all the Provinces. And since then, governed by some set of rules or another, Canadians have had pretty good Universal Healthcare. It covers approximately 2/3 of what Canadians “spend” on Healthcare. The system is, at its purest level, a system of ensuring essential and basic Health services are delivered equitably. No one with more power or money can get better or timelier care than someone without. Simple. Good. And, I always thought, very Canadian. Enter the bullies. The impossible people. The ‘I won’t follow your rules’, ‘I can do what I please’, Healthcare marketeers. And rules weren’t meant for them. "There is money to be made and if you all are too stupid and weak-minded to see that then it’s your loss. They won’t let a little thing like ethics or justice get in their way. Ideals are for losers." …….. How do you talk to people like that? Where do you begin? How do we make this situation anything other than impossible.

In 2009 2 reputable polls were conducted showing strong preference for the Canadian Universal model of Healthcare or the American model of Healthcare at 82% and 92% respectively. “Strong preference”. In 2011 one of the same research pollsters reported that 53% of Canadians favoured and Mixed model of Public and Private Healthcare. Oh but in 2010, just 10% thought “finding out of pocket” solutions to fixing healthcare was agood option (as opposed to “finding efficiencies”, and “investing more health dollars”.

http://www.ipsos-na.com/news-polls/pressrelease.aspx?id=5680

http://www.ipsos-na.com/news-polls/pressrelease.aspx?id=4910

I don’t think the polls are congruous enough to make them meaningful. More importantly polls don’t interact, or talk about consequences. A poll does not teach, inform, explain, and I do not believe they reflect anything of importance at all. A poll does not analyse the outcome of opinions merely tries to capture them, but the questions are increasingly wildly leading and only allow for quantitative answers with no room for grey area or debate or “BUT what ifs?” ….. just press 5 if you strongly agree, press 4 if you somewhat agree. But the polls are affecting us …… we are letting them. 

Our leaders are taking action based on polls that don’t seem to accurately reflect what we actually feel, and we are not speaking up. We are so painfully Apathetic that I don’t think we could articulate an thoughtful informed opinion if our lives depended on it ……. And they just might. 


In India this week http://www.indiawest.com/news/5690-5-day-old-baby-dies-after-being-taken-off-life-support-over-rs-200-fee.html

A premature infant girl was removed from her incubator and allowed to die because her impoverished parents could not afford the corresponding 200 rupee (less than $4) electricity charge. The North  American For Profit Healthcare system  proudly insists they are not like that. They are superior in morality because that would not happen. Except sometimes it does. Sometimes timely care (or care at all)  is denied because patients can’t pay.

http://www.wcl.american.edu/journal/lawrev/52/zito.pdf

http://economistsview.typepad.com/economistsview/2006/10/preventive_care.html

Homeless people are often loaded into ambulances or worse taxis and dumped at other Hospitals because they weren’t welcome at the first. People have died. “Oh! but not a little premature baby, we would never do that” …….. No, probably not. They just send a bill. And her big brothers have to drop out of their out of their school because Mom and Dad can’t afford the charter fees, and they stop eating meat or milk or fresh vegetables, and then the car payments slip, and then the house. By the time they have moved in with her grandparents, her Mom and Dad’s marriage is over. ……. But the HMO and Hospital didn’t take her off life support....

No. Canadian Healthcare is not perfect. But it won’t improve if we let the people with money and influence opt out. There is truth in that statement. I know you see it. We need to take a stand. Apathy is the new cancer, and it’s eating us alive. It is said we won’t know what we had until it’s gone. Truer words could not be spoken. We need to have this conversation now, and take a stand on what we want for Canada. It is important.

I found a great quote the other day. "The death of Democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment." ~ Robert Hutchins

Democracy only works if the people are informed. Who informs them? How do we turn people back on and engage them? Will we realize that once it’s gone, we can never get it back ……. We haven’t so far. Not with control and ownership over our utilities, forests, natural resources, water, …… is our Healthcare for sale too? This is a biggie. Do we just roll over and give it away?

We have become so grossly apathetic I am now almost embarrassed to call myself Canadian. Over 100 000 Canadians died in the World Wars for something. An ideal, really. They stood for what was right. Now you can’t rally Canadians to stand for anything. What a pathetic legacy; what a sad time. What will it take? Were those soldiers strong and decent and moral to care, or were they foolish and weak to give themselves to an ideal or a moral stance?

Do we really just let the Impossible people win?

My 2005 open letter to Canadians on the same sex marriage debate.

I wrote this piece in the Spring of 2005 .... sent it to everyone of my Political representatives ..... never got a response. Funny how we just can't seem to move past this ........... still opposition here and the US is embroiled in it. When do we STOP being so willing to throw away perfectly great people? 

Dear Fellow Canadians,

 For months now I have read with fascination the various opinions and arguments on the same sex marriage debate.  Obviously this is an issue that has gripped Canadians and challenged their very core beliefs.  This debate has played out in a non-violent, relatively respectful manner.  BUT enough is enough.  This country, this world, has ‘far bigger fish to fry’, as my paternal grandmother used to say. 

I can’t imagine what she would have thought of all this, the world of her day was governed by set morals and social conventions and that was that.  Looking back at her time (she was born in 1905) it seems a narrow, oppressive time.  After all, in her lifetime she saw Chinese Canadians, First Nation peoples, and ‘oh yeah’, WOMEN get the vote.

I remember a story about my Grandmother that is rather relevant.  She was an accomplished cake maker, and she baked a beautiful wedding cake for a couple in Nanaimo sometime in the 60s.  She did it despite much harsh criticism from neighbours and townsfolk.  You see, it was an interracial couple: one white, and one Chinese.  Many disagreed with their marriage celebration, luckily the law did not.  After the wedding they bought my grandmother a modern kitchen scale as a Thank-you.  It remains in my mother’s kitchen to this day, a tangible reminder of doing the right thing, even if it means going against the morals and conventions of the day.  By today’s standards we think, how can that be?  It wasn’t THAT long ago!  But I’m sure this same scenario played out in countless towns and communities across Canada in the 60s.  Historians caution us not to judge past cultures by our modern one, but let’s face it: we do.  How then, will the Canadians of the future judge us and this debate over same sex marriage?

I am, happily, in a very traditional heterosexual marriage.  I have even chosen to put my career on hold while I stay home to raise my 1, soon to be 2 children.  Allowing same sex couples to legally marry does nothing to my marriage.  It does not improve, nor diminish its status.  We chose to marry rather than live common-law, we choose to have a joint bank account, we chose to raise children, I chose to take his name, and I choose to clean the bathrooms, because he chooses to do the laundry and the dishes.  WE define our marriage, not the government.  We simply chose to include a legal marriage in our relationship.  So I feel the redefinition of marriage to include same sex partnerships can’t “impoverish” marriage, people do that, not laws.  If we truly want to nourish marriages and families, we can shore up our eroding social services, and expand and advance the rights of children.

The arguments against same sex marriage set forth by religious groups are passionate and well intentioned.  These groups are, of course, entitled to their opinions.  It has already been stated that no religious body will be forced to perform same sex marriages, so to be frank; it is really of no consequence whether or not they endorse them.  They can choose to participate or not, but they must realize that their arguments are being used to validate the sentiments of those who have much hate in their hearts.  This debate has many sides, but there is no room for bigotry and hate in this, or in the laws of this country.

It seems to me that many Canadians who oppose this, really only object to the word marriage being applied to same sex couples.  They really aren’t against homosexual unions or rights.  It might seem a fair compromise to propose a new word, but extend all the other rights and responsibilities of marriage, just not call it marriage.  After all it’s just a word, right?

Women did not get the vote until 1918, and despite some limited opportunities Canadians of Chinese, Japanese, East Indian, and First Nation heritage were not given the vote until 1960, and could not exercise that right until the 1963 election.  Now, let’s pretend the right and responsibility of the vote was granted, but not the word.  I can not imagine my husband going to ‘vote’, while I went to exercise my ‘equal choice’.  Can you imagine the election results divided into ‘votes’ versus ‘equal choices’?  Imagine the politician’s post election comments.  Different but equal IS NOT EQUAL!  I would ask that all those who are really just opposed to the word marriage being redefined to “let it go”.  I believe that no reasonable person really believes that this change of definition opens the door to incestual marriage, polygamy, or people marrying their pets.  It’s time to do the right thing.

The government may need to push this through before the Canadian people feel ready.  This will ensure that human rights continue to advance in this country.  Let us not forget that certain foreign interests are spending like crazy to exert their political will in this country and it makes it difficult to decide this issue for ourselves as Canadians.  If the bill fails, how will it look in the future?  If the bill passes and this issue is used to force an election, a real possibility with this minority government, then history will record that our 21st Prime Minister was ousted over the same sex marriage debate!  What will that say about us in our time?  How will history judge us?

Little boxes.

Brilliant. I love the creativity of this song. I love the creativity of this video. I love the creativity of this band. And then I feel sad because the message of this song is not lost on me. And then the blurry, vague line between living within the rules and norms that keep us all safe, and simply bowing to conformity overwhelms me. And then I feel sad that we have collectively lost the drive to create and express ourselves in divinely personal ways and that the only way left to define ourselves seems to be this wheel of mindless consumption. And then I feel angry that so many of the people around me can't see human success beyond brand names and dollar signs ..................... and then I eat some chocolate and drink a glass of wine and that feeling goes away ................ a little. ;)

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.walkofftheearth.com%2Fvideo%2Flittle-boxes&h=eAQFVfmbVAQEotIvbhkKXV6l5VXKb6qZDQ415-UcH5opEjw

Hey neighbour ..... won't you be?

I try to live my life focused on the positive and I remind myself daily how very lucky I am to live in such a safe and engaged community. But here’s the thing: something always seems to ‘pop up’ that makes me ‘pop off’. Now, I’m no conformist but I don’t view rule following as weakness. Following the rules is how I keep myself, and you, safe at the same time. I don’t get up every day promising to make the world better for anyone, but I can at least not make it worse. That, for the most part, is within my power.

At the risk of being wearily sentimental, I think of Mr. Rogers and his song about neighbours and neighbourhood, when I think about the ideal community. “It’s a beautiful day in this neighbourhood. A beautiful day for a neighbour.” A group of people invested in each other’s safety and happiness. But then I go outside. The people of my community seem to get behind the wheel, and shut their neighbours off. As soon as I leave the house I see the drivers of our community break the rules about speed, about driver distraction, about safety and courtesy. I ask myself what is it that causes them to disengage from the people around them?

When I grew up, in the very neighbourhood I live in now, I trusted my neighbours to look out for me. I would head out on my orange bike with the banana seat and believed my neighbours would follow the rules that would keep me safe. Flash forward to today and I know I don’t trust my neighbours; I don’t trust them to put my child’s safety ahead of their time or convenience or impulse. I find myself grumbling that it is because they are selfish or that some deep character flaw causes them to risk our safety and their own. While I strive to be an optimist, I am far too often pessimistic. I forget that they are my neighbours and suffer the same stresses and trials as I do. That the rules of the road have simply not become meaningful to them because they have not engaged with their neighbours.

Fred Rogers, in addition to being “Mr. Rogers” was a beautiful writer and speaker. He believed deeply in the capacity for goodness in human beings. He said “how sad it is that we give up on people who are just like us”. So I choose not to give up. This Spring I would like to remind you to slow down, take care, and remember that roads are not built for cars but for people. I have decided to believe we can do it. So what is the least you can do for a neighbour? “Won’t you please, won’t you please? Please won’t you be my neighbour?”

Happy Spring,

Lita

Just for fun:

http://pbskids.org/rogers/songLyricsWontYouBeMyNeighbor.html

Where is this candidate? **caution I swear in this one**

I wrote this during the latest Provincial election for my own amusement. Perhaps it will amuse others.

My platform.

I am announcing my run for office. Which office? It matters not.

If I am elected I will invoke the following:

Candidates running for all parties must pass a basic math competency exam. You can NOT bribe the voters by promising to lower personal taxes AND suck up to corporations by promising to lower corporate taxes AND promise to make the cost of living cheaper and paying dividends and get away with it. That is bad math; and since there is no money fairy clearly those candidates are lying or are really bad at math. Passing the math competency will allow us to prove the former.

Every future candidate will be given a campaign assistant, a used minivan, 40 hours of television or radio (for the entire 6 week campaign), and a $1000 Tims card. That’s it. No more buying votes, greased wheels, or influence peddling. Prove yourself, by yourself, that way you owe nothing to anyone when you actually win.

Any member of my party who is a fuckwit is out. If you speed in a school zone, yell at the waiter because your Perrier was flat, in fact even order Perrier, park in the premiers stall and then berate and threaten the job of the security guard who tries to get you to move your sorry ass, text while driving, take a kickback, say (EVER) “don’t you know who I am?” then YOU are a fuckwit and you are OUT! This list is not exhaustive and can be expanded upon request.

I will take the point of view that, in almost all cases, what is good for all of us is what is good for each of us. YOU are not special; neither am I, but we are all important. That is why the needs of us as a society together will take priority.

I will strengthen rights and their corresponding responsibilities. Our justice system will weigh whether or not you have lived up to your responsibilities, if not, you will lose your rights. Many will call me “a communist”; they can shove their ‘freedom fries’ right up their ass.

I promise to LISTEN to the issues before making a decision. I can’t tell you at this moment what each of my decisions will be because I don’t know the complexities of the actual ISSUES yet. Therefore I will not blow sunshine up your ass by pretending to know now. You will need to decide if you believe in the content of my character and the passion of my heart and vote for me only if you believe I WILL always try to make the best decision possible.

I will promise to remember that I am a PUBLIC SERVANT! I work for you. I will act like that, but you must remember that running for office does not mean that I find public ridicule, personal attacks, or defamation acceptable. I am a human being with feelings and we already know what the ‘unfeeling’ political pros can accomplish for themselves when they have no sensitivity or conscience.

Public servants and public institutions will strictly adhere to an egalitarian practice. You may certainly believe that your race, or gender, or sexuality is superior to another’s in your home or place of worship, but at work you WILL treat everyone as equal to you. Your rights are NOT infringed by someone else’s “being”. If you don’t like it then don’t BE it, but don’t think you get to be in anyone else’s way of being it. No; not on public dollars. Not on my watch.

I promise you WILL pay taxes, and so will the companies you work for. I promise to spend that money as ethically, effectively, and prudently as possible. I promise that the jobs I help create will be good ‘living wage’ jobs. I promise I will treat the workers in my jurisdiction as valuable and worthy. I will require businesses that operate within my jurisdiction to do the same. I will make people power valuable.

I will properly fund scientific research so we can once again become a leader in true medical advancement, not just pills that make millions of dollars by giving you a 6 hour erection. Research in all disciplines will be merit based not product based; in other words: actual science. Plus all those research foundations will stop calling me at home on a Tuesday night at 9:30 pm. It's win - win.

I will make the education of children paramount. All children will attend public school where through a variety of, mostly inclusive, methods the playing field will be leveled. Period. Creativity will be necessary to give each child what he or she needs to become a capable, engaged, happy citizen. We will not always succeed. Parents who expect their children be given special treatment at the expense of others will be sent to “don’t be a fuckwit parent’ school. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.

I will regulate products and industry. Producers and corporations who continually break rules which put consumers or workers in danger will not be allowed to operate in my jurisdiction. If there is melamine in the crackers you make, or someone drowns in your tailings pond, then you FAIL. I will not be a dumbass when utilities promise that deregulation will mean “choice” and “competitive pricing”. Gas prices jumping 3 days before a long weekend will be a felony. (No price collusion MY ASS.) Governments make rules about how companies and corporations can operate because PEOPLE COME FIRST.

Lastly, I promise to actually think about issues before making a decision. I know I said this already but it bears repeating. I will not be able to monitor every area of government so I promise to put smart, capable people who I trust on each portfolio. They may NOT even be members of my party. I will not appoint giggling hyenas who will leave office just to become lobbyists for the companies who we rewarded contracts to. I promise to punch any cabinet minister who ends up a paid figure head for a company he or she awarded contracts to while in office …….. in the throat ……….. very hard.

Good night.

Life with Boys

This was written on October 13th, 2011. My boys are growing up and I don't want these little moments lost ...... 

Sometimes as a parent, there is a "miss" in our teaching. The new world demands that children know the facts about their bodies, and all the proper names. It's to promote safety and ownership. I have dutifully taught them. 

Yesterday morning Pearson came in for his morning cuddle and asked "Mommy, why do you always have a 'peegina'?" 

"Ummmmm" I fluster, "You mean Vagina?" 

"Girls have Vaginas and boys have Penises. We've talked about it, haven't we?" I inquire.

"Yes, but I like it when you wear pants." he replies.

Pause.

"I would still have a Vagina under my pants sweetie" I say

"Why would you wear pants under a 'pAgina'?" he queries.

Realization dawns upon me ......"Oh geez, are you asking about my NIGHTIE? A dress that a lady wears to bed is a nightie ........ a top and pants is pajamas - just like for boys! It's the same word. And a dress a lady wears is a nightie."

"Oh, well I like when you wear paJAMAS better." he says and snuggles in. 

......

....

Seriously, ...... I will call my nightie a pAgina forever now!

And from earlier in the year:

Window into parenting 2 boys ...

Me "Boys, you know the bad man who stole the little boy in BC, well he returned the little boy but the police haven't arrested him yet. Do you remember what Mom said about strangers and school?"

Pearson "that they're bad."

Me "Sort of; I said that you must never get in a car with someone you don't know, or leave anywhere with a grownup you don't feel safe with"

Jasper "What if they make us?"

me "You must kick, and flail, and make as much noise as possible."

Pearson "and we can kick him in the wiener!"

J "Yeah, and punch him in the crotch!"

P "Yah, kick him in the crotch"

Me (now losing control of the conversation) "Do whatever you need to to get away and then run to the closest 'safe stranger' and yell and yell."

P "then I'll punch him in the butt!"

J "I'll kick him in the butt"

Me (conversation seriously skidding off road) "Yes but, if you run around punching and kicking then you are moving towards the bad man and not away from. Please just RUN AWAY and get help."

........... (10 full minutes of insane giggling and re enactments of their techniques.)

I should have just stuck with "Say NO, GO, and TELL SOMEONE" Arrrgh.

But you see, Public school is MY church.

There is a disturbing phenomenon in our society right now. A movement afoot that I thought I would never live to see. The intolerant are crying “intolerance” because they can’t be intolerant. The notion is almost comical, yet here we are, and it’s actually not that funny.

Canada’s true history is not noble or pretty or fair, but the society that I have seen rise from the past and strive for greatness deserves respect. We have not achieved full equality yet, but it has always felt to me that on some level we were moving that in direction. We have long viewed our diversity as a difficult, complicated, and very worth the trouble. All the differences between us should make it impossible to coexist and yet we do. We even manage to thrive. How is that possible? Canada was built by a long series of fairly homogenous groups each trying to exert power over one another until, at last, the futility of it all changed us …… and we evolved. I wish I could have witnessed the moment when ideas and ways of being began to be exchanged as commodities but from that point we have begun a slow march towards a true multicultural society. I know there are always those who fight it, but we have begun to live at ease among one another and we have made it beautiful. All the different colours, and languages, and beliefs living together peacefully and (far from a melting pot) we have remained a polarized, messy, mosaic.

I believe in my heart that public school is a main reason. Children are thrown together and asked to manage what their parents can only hope to emulate; an environment of tolerance, respect, and equality. We place them all together, ask that the playing field be leveled as much as possible, and give them all the same chance. We have built curriculums that have the potential to create well rounded citizens who are able to follow their interests and dreams wherever they might lie. Children are given an overview of the choices available to them in a free society and take steps towards their adult selves with the same knowledge base as all their peers. There is a magical utopian quality to that. The school boards walk the razors edge between allowing every child to come replete with their own beliefs, and keeping those beliefs from colliding in destructive discourse, resentment, and conflict. They achieve this largely through keeping the multitude of intransigent religious view points out, particularly if they run counter to an inclusive, peaceful society. Now yes, I concede that there is an overwhelmingly Christian slant to most public schools in Canada. We observe the holidays, make the crafts, and sing the songs but it is more a ‘Christian theme park’ approach and it stops short of much, if any, religious teaching. I, personally, am pretty much an atheist and would love to take it all out or schools or, better yet, teach children about all the major religions in pamphlet style; give them an overview of all the major faiths and then move on.

In my opinion, Public school should be mandatory and must remain secular. There is a greater good that is served by us all learning to get along. Allowing groups to break away and learn in these little unchallenged homogenous groups does not teach the skills required to get along with everyone in the future. If you’ve learned to be together in school then you will have discovered all the ways that you are the same, instead of focusing on all the ways you are different. Let’s call it ‘competency in togetherness’ and it does not need to mean that you give up your beliefs.

An overarching rule of fairness must be in place for this to work. This means you don’t get to come in and constantly tell the other people in public school that you think they are going to your version of hell, or will only be reincarnated as a worm, or won’t get into your version of heaven. There is no practical benefit of that, no sensible place to draw the line about who gets to say, and every chance that children, REAL CHILDREN, will be hurt. The argument that maintaining a standard of non-discriminatory fairness somehow discriminates is ridiculous. It’s time to end this conversation. You don’t believe it ok to be gay, so then don’t be gay. The argument is exactly the same for whatever argument gets thrown in the mix (distasteful to me or not). You don’t believe it’s ok to marry people of another race, so then don’t. You don’t believe it’s ok to follow a faith other than your own, so then don’t. Public School’s job in every case is to say “so then don’t, but in the spirit of fairness to ALL the children that is not open to debate here”.

The best way I can think of to make my point is this: If I got to come into your church and claim that your views went against my strongly held beliefs in science, evolution, and atheism and was offending me, you would simply show me the door. You argue that Public school curriculum is, more or less, mandatory and so then you must be accommodated or given an out. But the “out” is not your own schools; the number of Christians who refer to other Christians as “not real Christians” over conflicting viewpoints illustrates why this would not work. No, the “out” is retreat to a nation state comprised of only people who believe what you do and offers the same privileges and standard of living as here …………. My guess is that is does not exist. My guess is that would not be what you would want. Me neither. I like my big messy mosaic. I like it’s conflict and diversity. I like it’s colours. I like it’s defiance of the odds. We have managed to make something bigger than the sum of our groups; a society of fairness. Public school IS my church. Don’t come into my church and ask me to make it more fair for you by making it less fair for someone else. Public school IS my church.