Selfish Driver Rant ...... # 1000!

I am entering my 7^th year as a Mommy at my children’s school and one concern has existed for all my years. What’s that you ask? Selfish parents who put their own and other people’s children at risk everyday just by being selfish. It’s pathetic. And I’m tired of it, and so are many other parents. I’m going to cut through the niceties and excuses here. I’m taking off my politically correct hat and cutting loose. You may recognize yourself in some of these. Good. I hope you feel ashamed. Today, I don’t have a problem with that. Today, I’m giving myself permission to tell it like it is.

You being perpetually late isn’t my problem, nor is it the kids. Drive the limit anyways; and slower once you are near the school. If you hit someone the police aren’t going to accept “but I’m 15 minutes late for work” as a valid excuse for injuring a child. The child’s parents will hate you FOREVER. The same goes for whatever jackass-maneuver you feel entitled to because you feel your time is more valuable than someone else’s. It isn’t ever ok to double park to dump your kids in the middle of the road, or pretend you don’t see the pedestrians or crossing guards. It’s selfish, and makes you look like a terrible parent. Also, we talk about you, A LOT.

It is never ok to use the crosswalk zone, fire hydrant zone, bus zone, or handicapped zone as your own personal parking spot. These things are there for the safety of other’s. Acting as if fate favours you and there’s magically a free spot available every morning for you and only you is beyond obtuse. Those areas have no cars in them because it is illegal for cars to park there and because the parents who DO park there look like assholes, most people know that. When people do it, we talk about them, A LOT.

Showing up at a school where there are well over 500 kids and expecting the right to dump your kids in the half block in front of the school is insane. Unless you or your child has a physical reason why they cannot walk a little ways to school then you should be expecting a bit of leg work. I grow so weary of Moms who spend hundreds of dollars on gym memberships, personal trainers, and diets yet won’t walk 2 blocks back to school from their safely and legally parked car. Now I’m not sure if they’re as dumb as they are playing at being, but telling Parent Parking Patrol volunteers that the drop off zone is too small and needs to be enforced is not helpful. Even if they could legally enforce it, it still only has 7 spaces and 200 cars worth of parents all expect to get them. Now I was never great at Math but I’m pretty sure that it won’t add up. How about ditching the ridiculous 4 inch stilettos and Italian greased-sole designer footwear for something sensible and parking a block away, then taking a nice stroll back with your kids? You will all benefit from the fresh air, exercise, family conversation, and you will start to realize all the great people and happenings at your kid’s school. You seem to be putting Fashion over Family and Friendship. And seriously, you too-well-dressed-to-get-out-of-my-car-or-engage-with-the-unwashed-masses-at-my-kid’s-school parents, we all talk about you, A LOT.

Your kids are great! Awesome in fact. And they know the rules. They can, and will, walk to school from a safe drop off point a block or two away responsibly if you let them. So let them. They can do it. I know they know how because they look helplessly at the parking patrol parents when you berate them for trying to get you to cross at the crosswalk when you’re too busy to walk the 14 metres and want to jaywalk instead. They know what to do and when you don’t support them in making the right and safe choice you look unbelievably insensitive. It’s shocking that a parent could take a child by the hand and jaywalk them across a dangerously congested road 14 metres from a marked crosswalk. Lazy is too kind of a word for that. Arriving on the other side and telling the volunteer parent that the ‘whole crosswalk should be moved for their convenience’ is the crème-de-la-facepalm and I would honestly smack you if it weren’t for the already apologetic and devastated look on your child’s face. It’s especially wonderful when you are reminded to use the crosswalk and you berate the volunteer (or even the police) because we’re ‘wasting their time’ and we’re ‘stupid’, all in front of their child. They see the helpers at their school as kind and the Police as good and don’t understand why you don’t. They KNOW you’re doing the wrong thing and you’re bullying them into doing it too. But don’t worry, with your excellent modelling of boneheaded and thoughtless behaviour, they’ll be just like you soon enough. We talk about YOU, A LOT.

I could go on and on about the stuff you do because you feel entitled. Perhaps the Porsche/Beamer/Mercedes/Lexus/Cadillac/Fill-in-the-blank-Luxury-Label salesmen convinced you that the lower castes would tremble before you as you drove through in this status statement, but we’re not afraid of you. And it really ticks us off when you appear to feel your wealth entitles you to special treatment. Study after study shows people in the highest income levels are more likely to engage in anti-social acts which break rules to improve their own position. Here’s just one http://www.pnas.org/content/109/11/4086.short And a LOT of the data came from looking at how they drive. Hmmmmm. Apparently failure to yield to pedestrians, speeding, cutting off other drivers, dangerous swerving, and parking infractions were all documented at significantly higher rates in drivers of Luxury vehicles. Good to know we’re not just making it up. Now, I am aware that some of you see your wealth as luck and live gratefully, and you know the fact that you worked very hard to achieve it doesn’t mean you worked any harder than the vast majority of  lower income, hardworking people around you. But a bunch of you, like a huge bunch, think you deserve more than your fair share, and I gotta say it stinks. It makes us feel you achieved your wealth, not through hard work at all, but through a willingness to do immoral and opportunistic things we simply wouldn’t. So if you wonder why we have an extra load of stink eye as you aggressively accelerate through the cross walk as kids are trying to cross, maybe it’s because you’re making that study true. You seem to know a lot about how to be financially successful but not much about becoming a successful human being. We talk about you, a LOT.

I also get that sometimes, we're just rushed and rationalize that's it's just once and a while, but with 200 cars coming through daily that once and a while adds up too. And you can't expect others to see the difference. To an exhausted, stressed out parking patrol mommy you look just like the people who do it every day. You are the ones we can really reach, you are the ones we know are on side, you are the ones who care. So we're asking you to care every day, each time. Be late. It's ok. If everyone really just saved it for dashing in to pick up a sick kid or dropping off 400 hot lunch sandwiches (or whatever ACTUALLY makes sense) then we wouldn't need to worry. We'd be the community we are meant to and CAN be.

So let’s recap. When you place convenience over courtesy, and self-entitlement over safety it is really dangerous for others. You can brush it off as much as you want but that truth still sticks. You don’t get to think of yourself as a good person when you consistently play Russian roulette with other people’s safety. Especially when some of those other people are your own kids and I don’t know how you look at yourself in the mirror. The kids know how to be safe and good to each other. YOUR kids know. Turns out, we can learn A LOT from the kids.

Get over yourself, drive like a good person, and we’ll stop talking.

JPHAWC - the cracks are how the light gets in.

“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in” ~ Leonard Cohen

In April 2007 a homeless Edmonton man died after the Riverbend Square recycling bin he had sought a warm night’s sleep in was raised to be dumped into a city truck and he fell over 6 metres to his death. It was not a good death. The driver of the truck was deeply shaken but not at fault. I can find no record of his name; never could. He was just another broken throw-away man.

http://www.ctvnews.ca/edmonton-homeless-man-dies-in-dumpster-dump-1.236453

http://www.canada.com/topics/news/national/story.html?id=e70ef251-1b92-47df-adcc-64c368e2c47a&k=84958

Flash forward to just a few days ago; a friend shared this photograph with me.

Someone(s) spray painted this on a church presumably in response to the church’s leasing some property to a Housing First project through the Province, Homeward Trust, and Jasper Place Health and Wellness Centre to build housing for homeless men who are ready (emphasis on READY) to leave homelessness behind them. I have ached for days over this photograph and even more over the comments I have read over and over on the various FB groups and articles on the subject. I have agonized over what to say and have ultimately decided that I could probably never change any of your minds, but maybe, just maybe, I can change your hearts and perhaps that is the point of all this is the first place.

There is a crack in everything. Even in broken people.

                                                                        That’s how the light

                                                                                                Gets in.

I am atheist but I believe it is very important to try to be good. I try to live my life by a few simple rules. If I can’t make the world a little better each day, I can at least not make it worse. There are a number of people who have been very quick to judge, assume, hypothesize, and alarm but have spent very little time listening, learning, or considering the truth and reasoning behind the project. The scope and goal of the project is very clearly expressed on the JPHAWC website and I see nothing that causes me alarm.

http://www.jphawc.ca/page20.html

That said, the land is zoned for such projects and no community, nor the people in it, should assume they have a right to exclude others. Ever. Human beings have a long and sad history of exclusion and segregation …… it never ends well; it never achieves good, it never makes the world better. Yet the hateful comments flow like water: “HIV”, “degenerates”, “useless”, “crime”, on and on the stereotypes go. The people behind the words are so filled with fear they can’t rest until they convince everyone there is a looming tragedy waiting to befall our hapless community once the multi-unit men’s housing opens its doors. What they have failed to recognize, what they refuse to understand, is that we’re all just a little broken. There are cracks in everyone … that’s where the light gets in. The reasons for homelessness are as varied and complicated as human beings themselves but fundamentally the difference between someone who is homeless and someone who is homed is a HOME. Simple. The men who will qualify for these homes will be ready for a home. Most of the men who move in will have never hurt anyone more than themselves, and will each have a unique history and set of circumstances they have survived. All will have reached a place where trained professionals have determined that they are ready for this step and each man, more importantly, will have made the amazing decision to try. It takes a tremendous amount of courage. Once they have made that choice are YOU to be the one to tell them they can’t try to fit the broken pieces of their life together here? Maybe somewhere else, but not HERE? Really?!?! Because if you are going to say that then you might as well just throw them in that recycling dumpster right now and save them the humiliation of being told they are unworthy of THIS place. Just another throw-away man.

BUT! There’s always a but, isn’t there. It’s for their own good that they not be here; the amenities and services just aren’t here. Counselling, food banks, literacy programming, good transit options, etc. aren’t pre-existing in Riverbend. BUT they SHOULD be, because “Ghettoizing” the disenfranchised isn’t the answer. Sorry, but it isn’t ok to lump impoverished people together in one place so they know their place. And no feeling, logical human being should believe otherwise. If we (as a community) spent a fraction of the time it would take to block this housing unit, to support it then we would make it as successful as it could humanly be. In any city the services follow the populations and the will of the communities determine the success of the populations. Food hampers can be raised through churches, schools, and retailers. A lending library of books could be assembled. Welcome packages can be created. Houseplants supplied, and “suspended coffees” purchased (google it). Supplies and tools for a community garden on the grounds could be collected. I am tearing up at all the beautiful, creative possibilities; there is no end to what we can do. Professional services for the impoverished have been very lacking in the greater Riverbend area despite the fact we are home to one of the city’s largest tracks of social housing because this is an expensive area to live in and an invisible segregation exists even if only socio-economic. Ending this “gated community” mentality will benefit us as human beings, not hurt us. Giving them a chance, a nice place to live, and an encouraging and inclusive community will give them the best odds possible. Isn’t that what we all would want?  An opportunity to belong, to live justly and well, a second chance at a good life?

Over 2300 years ago, Aristotle wrote “educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all” and I believe that is truer today than ever. There is a lesson here and it is that attitude is everything and IF you muster the courage to overcome challenges and endeavour to right wrongs, then someone with a kind heart and helpful hands will be there to support you. What better message to teach our children? Or ourselves? For me, it breaks my heart that someone could claim to be protecting their children when they are, in fact, teaching their children to exclude, to fear, and most of all that if life breaks you, you won’t be worth fixing ….. even when the light is pouring in through the cracks, and you’ve mustered all your strength and bravery to try. And I think that’s a tragedy.

Make reading fun for a reluctant reader.

I get a lot of questions about getting reluctant readers reading. Especially boys. Now, I am NOT an expert but I have had a good deal of experience. I am putting this together on the blog because it will give me a place to add creative ideas as I encounter them and I’m hoping others will add to it as well. Ultimately parents are the experts on getting children to read because ultimately that’s where kids learn to LOVE books. But it is a challenge for so many kids and that creates tension and stress …… a recipe for NOT loving books. Compound that with the fact that parents are usually too tired to be creative about it and suddenly you have an unhappy group. Unhappy about reading. For a bibliophile, this is a scary, sad thing.

·         First!!! Realise your child can already read. As long as your child is sighted and able to communicate, they can read. Don’t believe me? Drive past a McDonalds. Sometimes it is the “I can’t” which presents the hardest obstacle to overcome for an emergent reader. Environmental print is a great way to point out “they can.” Have conversations about all the signs and labels that surround you every day. It doesn’t matter that they’re recognizing the logo or that they can’t actually “read” the word; if they know it, it counts. “Of course you can read, you already do” is the message.

·         Get a library card. Go there.

·         Let your child see you reading.

·         Make books a part of daily life. This can not be stressed enough. In the beginning and for a very long time it really doesn’t matter WHO does the reading. Just read. Read every day.

·         Have books in the bathroom, in the car to take in to appointments, in the ‘heading out the door with snacks’ bag. Down time can be filled with reading as a way to stave off boredom and that is a great message about the normalcy of reading.

·         In the beginning, there are picture books, lots of picture books. When you start a new one, go through it BEFORE you read it together and have your child “tell” you the story from the pictures. They may want to do this several times before they actually want you to read the words and it may take several days. This prereading skill is so fun and intriguing and they will start to correctly guess what some of the words are faster because they feel they know where the story is going. Plus, talking about what you guessed wrong or right is the beginning of checking for comprehension.

·         If it is a fight to read before bed, then don’t. It should be daily but find the time of day which suits your child. It may be in the morning, especially if they are early risers. Or it may be while supper is being prepared or lunches are being packed. Time which would be spent apart is now spent together. They can read a book they know, or read the pictures of a new one, or read a book which is at their level and you glance over to help with the words they can’t get.

·         This is a great time to talk about what the body is doing while your child is trying to read. Did you know your physical position and posture affect learning? Boys have a particularly hard time with this. You should be comfortable when you read but if your kid is slumped over the book, draped across the table, and looking as if you’ve just asked him to eat a worm, then he’s NOT learning. This is why having your child read to you during dinner prep at the counter can be so great. Have them stand at the counter near you. Take the stool or chair away. Counters are often a good height for them and their body will be engaged in a more open physical position which allows for a more open mental frame of mind. This is the ‘fake it till you make it’ philosophy and for some reason it works. Variations on this may involve engaging the core while they read; in other words giving the kinesthetic part of the brain something to do while they read. Have them sit on your yoga ball or their soccer ball while they read. Stand on a towel and ‘swivel’ while at the counter. Roll a ball under your foot. Even chewing gum can achieve a little magic in this department! Be open minded and creative.

·         Stop worrying about levels. Until a child can fluidly read and deeply comprehend a book, they’re not truly past that level. Just because neighbour Johnny reads chapter books doesn’t mean your kid is behind. A 10 chapter chapter book is just 10 story books. There’s NOTHING wrong with books with pictures. And it’s not a race. If your kid still reads like this “He-her-huc-aless-alees herculiss Hercules chAzed Kchusd chased the Him-ra heedra hydra” then they’re not comprehending. Give them time. Besides, neighbour Johnny still picks his nose and zones out watching TV just like every other kid so I don’t think anyone is signing him up for MENSA just yet.

·         Don’t judge what they love to read. Barring wildly age inappropriate books, nothing is off the table. Captain Underpants and it’s gimmicky nightmare of “sort-of” phonetic spelling and gross immature potty humour may make you throw up in your mouth but if your child loves it then YOU love it. Of course that doesn’t mean you can’t place lots of better choices in their environment and use passive aggressive parenting techniques to have them read those too …….. but I didn’t tell you that. Comic book style books about fantasy worlds, magazine layout style books about science, nature, or gross things, books of movies and TV shows all attract reluctant readers. Go for them!

·         Get your child’s eyes checked. Every year. It is exhausting to read when it is WORK to see the words. Don’t set them up to fail.

·         Books on tape/CD. Not all the time, but sometimes can be wonderful. Great when families are in a busy or stressed period and need a child to do a little independent reading happily.

·         Notice details in stories and talk about them. Ideas are not born from 140 character tweets or television sound bites; ideas come from words and details thoughtfully unfolded, and nurtured, and played with. If you want to raise an engaged critical thinker, give them details and strong language skills. Give them ideas.

·         Buy them a ruler. Do you know it’s time to put the book down and go to sleep when you read the same line 3 times? Me too. This is because reading from left to right, and top to bottom is a skill and one you learned. Just like fine motor skills must be developed in the hands, they must be developed with the eye. Tracking across the page, staying on one line, then jumping back and starting on the next line is more difficult than it sounds and a significant barrier to making the leap to chapter books. Perhaps it is not the length of the book frustrating your child but the mechanics. Sliding down the ruler (or book mark) line by line is amazing effective. When you’re reading together and your child is in a receptive state, have them place the ruler at the bottom of each paragraph when finished it and reread it for fluidity and better comprehension (as the ruler does interfere with that) but don’t make this a deal breaker. As they get better at the tracking skill, have them place the ruler at the bottom of each paragraph before they read it the first time. Don’t think of this as something they need to be weaned off though. It’s a great strategy for any reader feeling overwhelmed by the content. As they attempt harder books they can use it again and active readers will do this right through to their University texts if they view it, simply, as a tool.

·         Get a list of sight words from the internet and underline or highlight them in a challenging book that interests your child. Write in a book you say?!?!?! Gasp! But YES, write in a book. Try a few of these, don’t overkill it but try a few. You’ll read this book TO your child but their job is to read the sight words. This is effective in short bursts as it is exhausting but it is very engaging and a shared reading experience which (while a little inorganic) is still very team building. As a parent the “we’ll get this together” messages are invaluable. Try it.

·         Put several books on the floor and throw socks until a sock lands on 2. Then read those 2. How you GET TO the reading is important if they are going to love it so if there is a fight brewing, change the focus.

·         Share your favourite bit. Ask theirs. This is beyond comprehension and infinitely more important. Did they like reading that story? Model appreciation for good storytelling, inventiveness, beautiful pictures, and brilliant words.

·         Take the next logical step. When the book is through, what has it inspired you to do? Draw a picture, research something on the internet, do a dance, go to the library to take out the sequel. Strike while the fire is hot whenever time allows.

·         Explore poems. No, your high school English teacher didn’t make me say that. Poems are as varied as people; there’s some for everyone and they’re accessible to all. The lovely Dr. Seuss wrote some of the world’s finest poems and, in my humble opinion, “Green Eggs and Ham” may be the finest book ever written. It is the perfect trifecta of perfect rhyme, perfect poetical rhythm, and poetical meter for children and young-at-heart adults. Rhymes make it easier for children to predict what the words say, as does how the poem is formed (meter and rhythm) because those predictive patterns of stresses in words and lines make a poem seem appealing, familiar, and comfortable even when it is not, ergo poetry is perfect for emergent readers. A joy. Read some Shel Silverstein too. He wrote deliciously weird, irreverent poetry for children, and grownups that aren’t shrivelled up and dead inside. Plus he didn’t consider children intellectually inferior. Still not convinced poetry is for you? How about song lyrics, almost any song lyrics? Because they are among the most common types of poems: blues, rock, punk, rap, hymns, ballads, just pick. Poetry.

·         Don’t say things like “I don’t have time to read this” or “this is too long to read” or “this is so boring”. Those thoughts are inside thoughts. Don’t making reading or a challenging read sound like a burden or an undesirable task in front of your kids. They listen to every word you say.

·         Put love notes and jokes in their lunch box so they can “read” how special you think they are!

Please share your ideas on how to get reluctant readers reading and loving books. How do you nurture your little reader to see them bloom into a full blown book nut?

Things of Beauty

 "ART CHANGES PEOPLE AND PEOPLE CHANGE THE WORLD" ~ Unknown

On Friday I attended the Alberta Ballet production “Celebrating Mozart.” This show was particularly special because it involved several artistic companies working together to create something truly transcendent. It was literally 100s of people working together, striving together, and yearning together, to make something bigger than themselves; something as innate to human beings as art. And I’d bet it was hard, and full of hysterical ego maniacal theatrics and fits of obstinacy, but isn't that what creation is all about?

On Friday I attended “Celebrating Mozart” and I left better than when I arrived.

It began with a joyful piece called “Pomp without Circumstance” and like eating dessert first it seemed decadent and filled me with glee. The opening notes of the Marriage of Figaro coupled with the brilliant comic choreography (legs peeking from under curtains) had the audience laughing out loud within seconds. All the nervous energy of real life, and the dark anticipation for the coming “Requiem” performance, melting away over 25 minutes and ending too soon. It was genius. A gift.

The “Requiem” was beyond words. A collaborative piece between the Ballet company, the Richard Eaton Singers (the University Singers), and the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra, it was haunting and full of challenging symbolism. It was, of course, heartbreaking but it was also something more. It was exactly what art is supposed to be. It was that thing that fills you up when you know you are appreciating something so deeply it’s like a colour inside of you. When people work together to construct a Thing of Beauty, suspending individual ego and vision, and put something inspired into the world, it is magic. To appreciate that magic we need only to open our hearts. Any imperfections don’t matter, a tiny trip, a slightly sour note, all seem benign. What mattered was that so many people came together and allowed themselves to be so vulnerable and so exposed in giving such a gift of themselves. It always strikes me as such an unappreciated form of bravery.

I often wonder what it is like to feel so inspired to create that it is like a thirst inside you, like something is so integral that you must act on it to simply BE who you are. And I have no other word but “brave” when I think of people who live their lives creating. But perhaps there is something to the stories of Muses. The Greeks spoke of Muses, goddesses who were said to inspire greatness in others. Perhaps they do walk among us, everyday people, creating Things of Beauty. And when they do, each time they do, something rings inside those of us who stop to appreciate it and, I believe, that allows us to go into the world and think creatively about the everyday. I believe when artists shine light into dark corners it gives us the strength to solve problems and overcome challenges with ingenuity and imagination. And for this Mom, though I often hunger for more, it usually, simply, inspires me to work hard to raise 2 two little boys into the best men they can be, with strong minds and hearts which can beat for others as well as themselves. And isn't that magic too?

Edmonton's little BIG problem of "schooling"

The state of the overcrowded SW schools has come to an intolerable head and the worst part is that it was all completely predictable. We got into this mess together for a variety of reasons so it’s going to take us working together in a variety of ways to get us out.

The problem is compounded by a misinformed public. The average citizen just doesn’t see the big picture and no one is standing up to educate them. Now, I’m not sure if our Public School boards merely feel it’s not their job to educate Adult Citizens or if they are attempting to remain apolitically neutral. In my mind neither is OK. A School Board is by nature both an agent of Public Education and of Social Change. All this confusion, frustration, funding myth, and misleading data swirl around and result in nothing more than one school’s parents pitted against another school’s parents, pointing fingers at each other and at the board. Instead we really should be working together to demand equal educational opportunities for all our children and getting to the true roots of the issue.

It must be stated clearly that the City knowingly allowed massive tracts of new development without considering or informing the public of the tremendous lag in public infrastructure which would follow. The lack of schools, developed park spaces, play grounds, community buildings and rinks are felt deeply by the residents of those communities. By allowing the developers and builders to claw ever outward we have created 2 massive problems: the “ghettoization” of huge areas of our city’s core, and that the school “spaces” are not where the children are.

The developers, builders, and realtors who sold homes in these huge new communities were complicit in a great lie. I, personally, don’t know a single person who bought in a recently developed area who was not told that a nearby vacant field was a surplus school site. This led them to believe that a school would be built there. http://www.edmonton.ca/city_government/urban_planning_and_design/surplus-school-sites.aspx

No explanation is ever provided as to the lengthy and unlikely list of factors which would need to be met before a school would be built. There is certainly no mention that the Province builds the schools, not the boards, and that the Province counts every available student “space” in a city before it determines a new school is warranted. Edmonton’s schools are simply not full. Just ask the residents of Haddow area what is becoming of their surplus school site. Soon it will be developed into housing and no school will ever be built there.

The citizens of Edmonton must take a hard look at themselves as well. We chose to believe the lie. We have fought mixed density communities, even though they are proven best for the social structure of cities. We have fallen for the shiny and the new instead of rationally and responsibly restoring the once vibrant communities which many of us grew up in. We have continuously voted in governments (civic, provincial, and federal) who refuse to govern the people with vision, and instead ride the wave of public opinion and fail at every turn to advance or preserve the public good. Shame on us.

We are in this mess for all these reasons and many others, and moving forward it is important that we know them, but it is most important that we act now to fix what’s wrong. The solutions will require decisive action on the part of the boards and even then will only be a stop gap. From this point forward the Boards must work with city and provincial planners to ensure this does not keep happening.

Here’s what I am asking of the Edmonton Public School Board.

·         Please take another look at the numbers you are asking many overcrowded schools to operate at. Children are NOT best served by punitively large class sizes nor by placing classes in non-traditional spaces like stages or libraries. Every child deserves a classroom. The province must not be allowed to calculate a school’s capacity using square footage as part of the formula; a gym is NOT a classroom.

·         Please acknowledge that asking small children to take an over 30 minute bus ride each way is too much. Many children are spending much more than an hour each day on the bus. Small children deserve to attend a community school. I was relieved to see the board decided to move the grade 8 and 9 students from Ester Starkman and Johnny Bright but also very sad. It is a lesser-of-evils reaction to a problem that is not going to go away and it merely reflects the unfortunate reality we are in. It causes almost as many problems as it solves; for instance where will EPSB put Avalon’s French immersion students as that program grows over the next few years?

·         Please develop relationships with U of A, and Grant McEwan Childcare graduates to start a few top notch out of school care programs in undersubscribed inner city schools and them promote these schools to commuters. Parents who work downtown and in other areas of the city could choose these schools as a way to access quality childcare and spend more time with their kids by sharing the morning and evening commute with them. There is a strong argument for children attending school closer to where their parents work as it makes it easier for their working parents to attend field trips or special events. Plan to bring life back to dying inner city schools.

·         Please, PLEASE, develop a clear position on handling future development. Schools cannot be continuously asked to accommodate never ending growth. If the developers were required to inform buyers that there are no area schools able to receive their children and therefore buying in that area would also be agreeing to seek out and attend schools far outside of the community, well, they wouldn’t sell too many houses would they? They will not be allowed to suggest any new school will be built and will have to communicate clearly to perspective buyers that since Edmonton schools are at 78% attendance (or whatever it is at that time) that a new school is, in fact, unlikely in the near future.

·         Please (and I know this seems counter intuitive) protect much relied upon and valuable out of school care and preschool programs housed within your schools. There is no reason each school should not have one ‘break even priced’ space rented out to a much needed not for profit community service. EPSB must lobby strongly to have these spaces removed from the Province’s vacant student “space” formula. No principal should have to face a kick-out-your-much-needed-afterschool-daycare or have its “spaces” counted against you dilemma. (And for the record my children don’t attend an in school care centre, nor is the Playschool I work at housed in a school. I simply can’t deny how important these places are for children and families. They are vital to a strong school community.)

·         Please. Please, PLEASE act. The board must act now and with the best outcomes for children in mind.

I am not suggesting any solutions will be easy, in fact I know they will be hard ... but I believe very, very worth the trouble.

40 things I know by 40.

I am soon to turn 40, which will mark the end of my 40^th year on this Earth. I have learned so much, and yet I know it’s only a drop in the bucket of what there is to know, and what is known is only a drop in the bucket of what I believe mankind will eventually know ……………… it’s overwhelming really. And exciting.

I try to see the world with an open heart and mind, and try to view myself as a ‘work in progress’. But there are a few things I have definitely figured out about myself and the world. I know everyone and their dog does one of these when they turn 40 but this one is mine, and I am sharing because it’s what I do, and because maybe some of these things are the same for you and might make you think, or laugh, or cry, or shake your head. I am finding myself very nervous about putting these personal “self searchings” into the world but I am trying to love life as an open book, it seems easier that way. Plus I’m trying to encourage self-reflection in others. I think it’s healthy, and important, and very missing in our fast, hedonistic, and materialistic society. We need to visit the places inside that define us because it makes our actions easier to sync up with them. Anyhoo, here are 40 of mine – one for each year!

1. Farts are funny. Figured that out early and despite my best effort to outgrow or outclass that fact, it’s still a fact. Farts. Funny. Just are.

2. Wear a helmet. Brains are important.

3. Almost everything will bite you if you poke it a lot.

4. I have forgotten the funniest joke that I ever heard. The punch line is “Probably he is going to shit on the piano” …… in a really uber French Canadian accent. But I can’t remember the joke. When Mark and I find something funny that we probably shouldn’t, we just look at each other and say “probablee ‘e iz goeeng to shit on da Pee-AN-No” ……….. and that is why we probably should not have reproduced.

5. I am still wondering when I will feel like a grown up. Probably never. It’s like I’m locked in a larval stage. I’m half baked, raw in the middle, …… not done.

OK, that’s not something I know but it is a me-ism and that’s the same thing.

6. One of the greatest things ever written is “With Mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.” Shakespeare wrote that, ……… or at least ripped it off and wrote it down in a play with his name on it. Doesn’t matter. It’s brilliant because it evokes beautiful imagery, and is also a challenge to embrace aging and live life in a way that will leave you smiling. Eight words which are meaningful enough on so many levels that they fire synapses in every corner of your brain AND warm your heart. Amazing.

7. I have a long list of character flaws. I am prone to resentment, I let fear hold me back, I wrestle between my need to go out in the world and help and my need to stay in pajamas all day (and often pajamas wins), I dwell on bad experiences, I can be petty, I can be quick to write people off as shallow, I can’t handle rude people, I can’t handle ‘me first’ people, I am too outspoken but I have trouble voicing my thoughts out loud which is why I write but that often seems cowardly, I am short tempered, I am easily overwhelmed, and so much more. I’d like to say that learning to conquer these flaws will be my life’s work, but it’s probably just NOT strangling speeders when I catch up to them at the same FRICKIN’ RED LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s the character flaw that’s most likely to land me in prison so probably I’ll really make an effort on that one. Seriously though, speeding is a very selfish act and one that endangers others. It’s one of the few societal rules that truly costs nothing, makes sense, and saves people. So slow the heck down or I may need to maim you.

8. Socrates said “Living well, and beautifully, and justly, are all one thing.” Well, Google tells me he said something like “Ζώντας καλά και όμορφα και δίκαια είναι όλα ένα πράγμα.” But whatever. I have the English version hanging on the inside of my front door to remind me. Regardless of how he said it I have taken this phrase to heart. It is a call to mindful living. I know the world does not owe me anything, but that I (by the very virtue of being alive in it) owe something to it. I think Socrates’ words sum that up. Life is to be enjoyed, to create and appreciate beauty, and for that beauty and enjoyment to not come at the expense of others. Don’t take advantage, give what you can, be a friend, be engaged and present in your own life and world, love life, and keep it simple; true compassionate living. His words are a joyful declaration about one’s place in the world which are so different from the ‘know your place’ drivel we usually hear. I love that.

9. My Grandmothers could have listed 40 things to do with old pantyhose (stockings) without batting an eye and before their first cuppa in the morning. I think the saddest thing about our incredibly wasteful ‘a piece of crap for every need, and a need for every piece of crap’ society is the loss of ingenuity. We need that back. We need inventive problem solving and the answers that can’t be found on a store shelf. I believe what has driven human evolution is cleverly reasoning through challenges on a daily basis. Not by putting a man on the moon (though that was amazing) or by inventing the Polio vaccine (though that was world changing) but through everyday people constantly involving themselves with ideas. It took us from ape hood; and now we sit in apathetic lumps watching “Real Housewives” and googling cat jokes. I hope everyone can reawaken their minds to IDEAS – technical, social, philosophical, it doesn’t matter. My wish is for the 1^st world to reawaken. The renaissance is not dead, just on hiatus ….. and now that people of every gender and colour are invited to the party, OH what we could do!

10. I think the meaning of life is waking up every day believing that I have the potential to grow, learn, evolve, do a good deed, or better myself in some way. I might not actually accomplish that. I might wake up and yell at the kids, and give some speeder the finger before it’s even 9 in the morning but at least there’s potential; and that’s magic.

11. Spell correct is a sanctimonious bully which I could not live without. Pfffft. (And it just told me Pffft is spelled wrong but it SO ISN’T! Pffft.)

12. I am my own worst enemy; my harshest critic. I can wage such war on myself. Whenever I find myself in a room full of really cool, or smart, or influential people I still move about wondering what the hell I’m doing there, and how I’m so out of my element, and that I don’t belong. Pffft. Moving on, into my 41^st year, I want to make peace with myself. Helen Keller famously wrote “I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.” I think that may be the secret, as these words ring prophetically true to me.

13. I have the best parents in the world. My goal is to be as caring, tireless, and empathetic as they are. Don’t get me wrong, my screwed-up-ness is totally their fault but they made my childhood fun and always had room for everyone in their life and home and taught me that kindness is messy and totally worth it.

14. When I was a child, I was an easy target. I’ve never been pretty or thin or dressed fashionably or run with the “in crowd”. And that wouldn’t have bothered me but kid’s pointing it out all the time did. It really hurt. Sometimes all that was left was to separate myself from the even less cool kids. I didn’t stand up for them because I was just grateful when it wasn’t me. Being silent and distant made me part of the problem, part of the meanness. It’s really important to know which side you’re standing on, and I DID know. I still swim in guilt over that. I cannot, ever again, be the kid who wouldn’t stand up for another. It’s part of me now and it’s the only way I know to move forward.

Kid’s today are so much deeper than we were; their oceans so much wider – we must be careful what we fill that ocean with. Children today seem much more capable of compassion and strength and bravery then when I was young. The way children can support each other in the face of a bully astounds me. Yet so too are the bullies of today more fierce, more deliberate, more cruel and sometimes kids still feel so alone. I hope I can make my children strong enough to never leave a friend alone or a class mate in despair, and most of all I hope they will have the strength never stand on the wrong side.

15. Wine and chocolate are delicious. Liver is not delicious.

16. If I had one wish from a genie I would probably just wish that humans could let the hard questions have hard answers and lighten up over the small questions with simple answers. We seem to have it all backwards. Life is complicated and challenging and fraught with misstep and misfortune and the only way through it is to support one another. We agonize over the easy questions “should we order the red or blue car?” “what house should we buy or school should we choose?” In the end, whatever school or house you choose, you must get on with the business of being in it happily and as for the car – who cares? The hard questions of life: who to love, whether to have children, whether to marry or divorce, get an abortion, what to devote your life to, allowing yourself pleasure at times yet balancing it with joyful giving of service; all these things are big and hard. Why are we so quick to judge someone else’s hard choices? There is a lack of compassion there that is stunning to me …… and so very sad. Living life requires more empathy than that to be good at it. Implying that there is an easy solution to someone who is dealing with a life changing dilemma can be very, very cruel. In fact the word Dilemma means “a forced choice between two (or more) courses of action which are equally disfavored or favored” and most languages have a word or phrase for it. I suppose everyone has lines they will not cross for themselves. They should not draw those lines for others except when we can as a society agree on one and make it law, and even then we must commit to changing the law if it can be proven unjust. I know I go back and forth on the issue of Capital punishment as there are many humans who I believe can never be made good, but I could not be the one to ‘administer the needle’ so how can I expect someone else to? But I could probably do it for someone I loved very, very much and who had clearly expressed that they were done with this life and were truly ready to leave it. I think I could probably hold their hand and tell them I loved them and help them go ….. maybe. A dilemma, to be sure, and one that says so much about how personal our views on quality of life and about living with our choices are, don’t you think? I think if you are living with an open heart and mind then the “answers” should never be decided before the question is asked, all you can hope is that if life ever asks you the hard questions, you will find the hard answers that are right for you and be supported by the people in your life.

17. I think I am missing a consumer bone or something. Don’t get me wrong, I am as terrible with money as the next person, but ‘name brand’ clothes or status cars hold nothing for me. I just don’t get the attraction. If I can get a perfectly good pair of pants for $44 then spending $244 seems just silly (maybe not silly IF you could say that $244 pants were made in nonexploitive workplaces – but that’s rarely the case)……..  and someone spending $444 for a pair of pants makes me think that social services should take away those people’s children because that’s just really poor life skills.

It’s not just the money thing either; it’s the whole concept of “trends” that rings false and shallow to me. A thing of beauty to you may be very expensive or worth nothing at all, but it should make something sing inside of you; you should love it on a personal, lasting level and not just until the next month’s magazine spread.

I could go on and on about this one but suffice to say I don’t typically try to fill the holes in my heart with things, and truly believe I am happier for it.

18. Love is slow and warm. It’s an easy friendship with fair compromises. It’s your real laugh and your snottiest heaving sobs. I am so lucky to have Mark to snot on and laugh with.

19. I was “beautiful” once, in the way that all young insecure girls who believe they are hideous, are beautiful. And those boys who hurt me weren’t fit to lick my boot heels. But they taught me valuable lessons. They taught me that youthful ragged wounds do heal, and the scars look very small on a grown up soul. They taught me that there is a light inside all of us and if you harden your heart around it you will snuff it out and become empty; darkened. But if you persist, keep your heart open and (yes) vulnerable, and try to keep a sight line on who you want to BE, and if you are very, very, lucky and loved, it will shine on.

20. I am not special. Neither are you. But I AM important. So are you. I, we, must learn to walk the Earth knowing both those statements are true for everyone. Mr Rogers summed it up so much more beautifully though. He said “Our world hangs like a magnificent jewel in the vastness of space. Every one of us is a part of that jewel. A facet of that jewel. And in the perspective of infinity, our differences are infinitesimal.”

21. I still can’t say “Vagina” in public without feeling embarrassed. I know we’re all supposed to use the correct words, and I totally agree, but my stomach still jumps up into my throat when I say “Vagina”.

22. I blush. Does anyone blush anymore??? Good grief. I’m a blusher.

23. You can’t make the stock market make sense for me. Don’t even try. They say a company that makes a good product, pays its workers a decent living wage, is conscious of safety and environmental impact, and makes a bit of a “profit” at the end of the day, but doesn’t “grow” is bad. But a company, who makes shit, pays shit, spills shit, dumps shit, and stands for shit, is good because it makes ever increasing amounts of money. This happens when some greedy opportunist tells a bunch of other greedy opportunists to buy the stock. Then when all the greedy opportunists add up their stocks they add up to WAY more than the ‘shit factory’ could EVER be sold for in a million years but they don’t even question it because some other greedy expert opportunist says “well, someone like you couldn’t possibly understand the complexities of the market …… blah blah blah.” …………… Pffft.

24. There is nothing unnatural about being a grownup who is attracted or not to other grownups. Being straight, gay, asexual, bisexual, whatever, is natural. I know this. People need to stop hurting each other over this issue. End of story. If you’re not gay, then don’t be gay but don’t tell someone else that they are less than you because they are. It’s unbelievably hurtful, and unbelievably stupid. Stop. Uncle. Time Out.

25. We need to get serious about protecting the Earth from ourselves. Whether you argue it from the stand point of water, or resource management, or sustainability, or ethics we must slow down and consider what we are doing.

26. Whoever said that “when a woman has her first child, 2 people are born, the mother and the child” could not have been more right.

27. Someone should have told me that after you have 2 babies you will often pee your pants for no reason. Well, there’s a reason like sneezing or laughing or running but no reasonable reason. Pffft.

28. I don’t want to be ‘that Mom’ at the pool who has pubic hair escaping out of the sides of her suit and long armpit hair. I get the natural thing, but I don’t want to BE ‘that lady’. So I will “maintain” the body hair, you know for the kid’s sakes………….. at least until I’m 75, then screw it, I’m going to grow it like it’s my job.

29. When I have a bad day with the boys. I yell, they fight, no one eats their dinner, and someone pees on the toilet seat, …… you know, that day. I tuck them in and kiss them, but I don’t mean it. And then, as if compelled, I think of my parent’s neighbours whose only 2 children died of cystic fibrosis within a few years of each other. And then I think how they would probably move heaven and Earth just to have my worst day with my boys with their daughters ……and I go upstairs and kiss them and kiss them and kiss them. I love them so much and am so very lucky.

30. I have personally never felt more beautiful, powerful, or feminine than when I was breast feeding my babies. I whipped my boobs out everywhere and anywhere my babies needed me to. The hang up people have in our society over BOOBS and BABES has got to stop. Get over it people.

31. Laugh lines are beautiful. There is nothing more beautiful than someone who smiles with their whole face.

32. I am an atheist. If god herself came down and said “In your face chickie! I’m real!” I would be shocked, and then I would say “but I wouldn’t have lived my life any differently if I had known.” I try to live everyday gratefully. If I get up each morning and can’t make the world a little better, at least I can try to NOT make it worse. I do that for myself. I would hope that would be enough. I simply don’t need a deity to be compelled to try to do the right thing, and I hope you don’t either. If it helps you, then good, have at ‘er but if it’s fear of hell that motivates you then I just don’t get it. I can’t wrap my head around that. For most of the people I know, all that really separates us is a belief in the afterlife; they believe their soul will cross over into one and I believe when I die the energy which makes my soul mine will simply dissipate into nothingness and into everythingness. That’s all. Otherwise we all just try to live our lives. Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) is perhaps my favourite modern philosopher and writer, and it is most certainly a huge personal inspiration, and he was a Minister, and he was a beautiful human being. The fact that he believed and I didn’t would not have stopped us from finding much common ground on how to treat people here is this world and how to live here in this world. All I can wish is for people to find a faith or ethical belief system that comforts, inspires, and celebrates what rings true for them and then within that find room for flexibility, acceptance, and intelligence. Many of the believers and non-believers I know have found that. But I can’t abide by rejection and exclusion of others, or denial of powerful science and beautiful difference. And the thing is, I don’t want to be comforted by the fact that if I unquestioningly follow a set of rules I’ll end up in an afterlife with only the people who are just like me. I just never liked the idea of leaving good people with good hearts behind. For me faith is my belief that mankind is moving towards a “Heaven-right-here-on-Earth” altogether. And that Heaven is one where we can BE together in peace and acceptance with our differences intact right here on Earth. For me, faith is believing (despite knowing I’ll never see it) that mankind will get there one day.

33. I don’t care how rich you are, or well spoken, or creative, or driven. If a group of workers fling themselves off the top of one of your factory roofs to protest inhumane work conditions and your response is just to put up nets, then you are not a good person. I know we need to demand more humanity from our “leaders” and I don’t know why we aren’t doing that. That’s my disappointment with modern humans that I wrestle the most with.

34. A gun has never ever, ever ever, ever solved a problem that could not have been solved a better, more peaceful way.

35. Whether we measure it in calories, or weight, or volume, the world produces enough food to feed everyone. Yet starvation and malnourishment is still the planets leading health risk. We can fix this, we just don’t. The only things I can think of to do is to talk about it often to my kids, try to keep my need/want filter in check, and live gratefully. It’s not much, but it’s better than the feeling of despair that envelops me when I think about it otherwise.

36. I am not half the mother that the women who leave their babies and children and come to Canada to work as nannies (so they can give their children a better life back home) are. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t miss mine growing up. I am too selfish. These women are not given the honour, respect, or credit they deserve. I think that in general we don’t give working people the respect they deserve. Every job has nobility, and has the potential to achieve excellence within it, and yet we look down our noses at the people who do the jobs we wouldn’t do. The very jobs that are most vital to our day to day sense of “civility” are often the lowest paid, and frequently the most disrespected. Think: custodian, gas station attendant, garbage man, etc, etc. Think any job that is out in the cold, or requires infinite patience, or ability to cope with unpleasantness; these are the people who make the world tick. So many take great pride in the fact that they do their job well so the LEAST we owe them is our respect. The fact that we don’t recognize the value of their work makes me very sad.

37. When I view the world as a big cold place that doesn’t play fair, I feel small, I feel scared. George Carlin said “always do whatever is next” and this, though he meant it to be funny, was sage advice. The way through fear is just to get to the next moment of life, to laugh, to act, to persevere. When I feel small I often find that what actually makes me feel better is when I say “things should be better” and then go out and find people who make that true. I feel best when around people who act with concern, caring, and above all joy. The trick, I think, is to trust that all the little problems that get solved, tears wiped, shoulders cried on, mouths fed, hugs given, litter picked up, wrongs challenged, laughs evoked … all add up to something BIG and we don’t need to see what that big thing is. When we work together on some small problem, in some small corner, the world itself gets smaller; I love that. I am so grateful for these people who keep my world small and warm and just. (This is from my Christmas letter this year but lately it has felt like my mission statement. It’s a fulcrum to help me stay engaged in the world yet joyful in life. Finding that balance is crucial for me to remain who I am, or least moving towards who I want to be.)

38. I love to laugh. It’s my favourite activity. I wish it were an Olympic event. I think great comedians are the highest form of our ‘so called’ evolved species, because the best ones are heart and soul and joy and intelligence and observation and truth at the point of intersection. And that’s amazing.

39. Happiness is a choice. My life could not be more perfect, and that’s why Happiness is a choice for me. If it wasn’t so perfect I don’t know that I am strong enough to get up every morning and make that choice. As it is I have mood swings and freak outs, panic attacks and anger; what if something really bad happened? Could I do it? I don’t know; but not without positive caring people telling me that the world is still a good place and still worth making better, even just by being a good person in it. The people I know who constantly lob negative criticisms out into the world, with no purpose or intent to make it better, wouldn’t help. I know that. So I try not to be that person myself. I won’t hesitate to say something negative if I think something can be made better, kinder, lifted, or challenged, but if I ever just start bitching and whining about stuff I don’t like for no reason, then please tell me to shut my cake hole.

40. Cake. Mmmmmmmmmm. Cake, even Gluten free cake, is delicious.